Transforming Hospitality: A Journey to Self-Care With Guest Mike Messeroff, Personal Freedom Coach & Hospitality Veteran
In this episode, host Colleen Silk welcomes Mike Messeroff, a longtime hospitality professional turned personal freedom coach, to explore the intersection of hospitality, leadership, and mental health.
Mike shares his powerful journey from the high-pressure world of bartending to building a career rooted in coaching, mindfulness, and personal growth. Together, we discussed what it truly means to practice self-hospitality—especially for those who are always giving to others.
From redefining customer service to understanding the ripple effect of emotionally regulated leadership, this episode delivers both compassion and practical tools. Mike also shares the inspiration behind the Carpe Diem Collective, a new community space created to support wellness and emotional connection within the hospitality industry.
If you’ve ever struggled with burnout, emotional overwhelm or finding balance in a business built on service, this conversation is for you.
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In this episode, we explore:
- Mike’s path from behind the bar to personal freedom coach
- How Self-hospitality can transform leadership
- Practical techniques for emotional regulation and mindfulness
- Why stress prevention matters more than stress management
- Coaching hospitality teams through overwhelmed and anxiety
- The power of community and support systems in this industry
- Tools to prioritize personal well-being while staying in service
- How the Carpe Diem Collective aims to change hospitality culture
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Top Takeaways:
- The hospitality industry demands strong mental health support
- Leaders must take care of themselves to take care of others
- Emotional regulation and breathwork can shift entire workplace dynamics
- Stress prevention is just as important as reactive coping
- Personal growth leads to more effective, compassionate leadership
- Community care is essential in a high-stress industry
- Finding joy and presence in your work is key to sustainability
- Self-care is a radical act of service
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Transcript
And that was, for me, the visceral wake up call that happiness is not out there.
Speaker A:It's not skiing 100 days.
Speaker A:It's not the next beach I was traveling to.
Speaker A:It's, it's.
Speaker A:I tried that.
Speaker A:It's actually not even quitting and finding another job.
Speaker A:That's because wherever you go, there you are.
Speaker A:And I just kind of kept bringing myself with me.
Speaker A:So that was the start of my inward journey.
Speaker A:I kind of looked for it all out there and I realized I hadn't really done any work inside of here.
Speaker A:And thankfully, you know, I, I think we're all kind of big supporters of mental health awareness and seeing therapists and seeking help.
Speaker A:I had a therapist who was into mindfulness and she taught me about the concepts of meditation.
Speaker A:And on my own, I discovered the Headspace app.
Speaker A:And within a week, I'd say my life really started changing drastically.
Speaker B:Foreign and welcome back to Hospitality Bites.
Speaker B:I'm your self proclaimed hospitality hustler, mompreneur, and the founder of Hospitality Bites Media.
Speaker B:If you're new to the show, I take pride in highlighting individuals from all aspects of the industry with the goal of humanizing it.
Speaker B:My guests have included restaurateurs, bartenders, chefs, cookbook authors, consultants and coaches.
Speaker B:Today's guest I happened to meet while attending the NAFM conference is passing past February with my fellow ambassadors from the Burn Shop project.
Speaker B:He has almost 30 years of experience in the hospitality industry, working in both operations and the corporate roles.
Speaker B:He is the founder of the Carpe Diem company and is also an author, a speaker, and a personal freedom coach for leaders in the industry.
Speaker B:He is launching the Carpe Diem Collective, a free community where hospitality leaders can unwind and learn how to reduce their workload and start enjoying life.
Speaker B:Welcome to the show.
Speaker B:Mike Meseroff.
Speaker A:Thank you so much, Colleen.
Speaker A:So great to be here.
Speaker B:It's so great to have you here.
Speaker B:I'm so happy this all came to be.
Speaker B:Tom told me that you guys have met up together too, and he's super excited to hopefully work with you in some capacity as well.
Speaker A:Yeah, you know, a rising tide lifts all ships.
Speaker A:I love the Burnt Chef project and I think anyone who's out there trying to bring peace to our industry, which is, you know, inherently stressful, and I think that's something you and I could talk about too, is, is something we all need to support.
Speaker A:So I love, I love Tom.
Speaker A:I love all, all you guys.
Speaker A:I mean, everyone I've met from Burnt Chef is amazing.
Speaker B:Oh, I love that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Tom is a Workhorse.
Speaker B:A very calming person.
Speaker B:He has really made things in North America move.
Speaker B:I swear, just from his place in Calgary.
Speaker B:He has done more than most of us could ever accomplish in our lives.
Speaker B:And I'm just, I'm so grateful to have met him and because it kind of led me to you and you guys doing a panel together at the conference with Jazz from Chow.
Speaker B:So very unique group of people with the same common goal, like you'd said.
Speaker A:Yeah, it was amazing.
Speaker A:And you could tell Tom has.
Speaker A:He's been exposed to some different ways of, of being and he talks about that too.
Speaker A:Part of his story is meeting a mentor who kind of changed his life.
Speaker A:And I just think that's, it's a beautiful thing and he's out there just helping spread more of that around the world and around the industry.
Speaker A:It's, it's awesome.
Speaker B:I agree.
Speaker B:Well, which is so great.
Speaker B:It kind of leads us into you.
Speaker B:So what is a bit of your background in the hospitality scene?
Speaker B:I know it goes back, as you said, 30 years.
Speaker B:I don't want to age you, but that's a pretty amount of time.
Speaker B:I'm in two decades now.
Speaker B:So what is your background?
Speaker A:Yeah, well, 30 years ago puts me right around 13, 14.
Speaker A:That's when I started working at restaurants and always, you know, bus tables, weighted tables, I even expoed at a restaurant.
Speaker A:So I have a little back of house restaurant experience.
Speaker A:And then for me that kind of led to a 10 year corporate career in hospitality.
Speaker A:More on the travel, tourism, aviation side of things.
Speaker A:I worked for JetBlue Airways.
Speaker A:I was their first intern, spent my whole 20s there.
Speaker A:Left as the manager of business development.
Speaker A:And you know, it's, it's interesting.
Speaker A:When I was at JetBlue for several years, I kind of felt like, like a gentle nudge from the universe.
Speaker A:Like not a full blown shake, but like, like a kind of a tap.
Speaker A:Like hey, there's, there's some more to this, like more to life, more you could be doing.
Speaker A:And for me that came from just realizing that the best part of my day was always my walk at lunch.
Speaker A:And I was just like, what's going on here?
Speaker A:You know, I feel like there's just, there's more for me to see and do.
Speaker A:And luckily my wife, she worked for Time Inc. And we were both living in Manhattan at the time.
Speaker A:And she wasn't treated as kindly as I was at JetBlue.
Speaker A:And she didn't have, you know, I was, I was really treated great.
Speaker A:It was a great company.
Speaker A:It was really hard to leave.
Speaker A:But she made it easier because she came home one day and said, hey, you know, this was the third promotion that I was promised.
Speaker A:And they told me that I earned it.
Speaker A:And, you know, she was in publishing, kind of a rough industry.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And so she came home that night and said, hey, I. I just want to sell all our stuff and move to the Caribbean.
Speaker A:What do you think?
Speaker A:And I, I had to think about it for maybe 15, 20 minutes, but I said, yeah, like there's something more that I'm.
Speaker A:That I'm looking for, that I'm feeling.
Speaker A:So I learned how to bartend.
Speaker A:I had a friend who basically ran a few bars in Manhattan, and he, he taught me basics of bartending, which got me started on my bartending career.
Speaker A:And I spent the next kind of eight years traveling the world and bartending all over the Caribbean, Australia, New Zealand.
Speaker A:We made stops in Fiji and Indonesia and Hawaii and ended up in Breckenridge, Colorado, which is really where the transition happened from, you know, working in the industry to serving the industry.
Speaker A:How I, how I do right now.
Speaker A:You know, as I started working in Breckenridge, Colorado, I worked at an amazing restaurant, one of the best steakhouses around, one of the best restaurants in town.
Speaker A:And I was working with my best friend Dave.
Speaker A:He was the gm, was started as a bartender, and then kind of a few years in, I was the bar manager.
Speaker A:So I had, I had a team of bartenders.
Speaker A:I had the keys.
Speaker A:First one there, last one to leave.
Speaker A:And all of a sudden, you know, this fun job of bartending and traveling turned into a real job.
Speaker A:And it wasn't just that I felt that nudge from the universe.
Speaker A:I started to feel like a shake from the universe in terms of full blown anxiety, really, really deep depression, a lot of just overwhelming and anxious feelings.
Speaker A:And if you looked at my life on paper or on Facebook, it looked amazing.
Speaker A:You know, I had already traveled.
Speaker A:I'd already quit the corporate grind.
Speaker A:I was skiing 100 days a year in beautiful Rocky Mountains, Breckenridge, Colorado.
Speaker A:And I was miserable.
Speaker A:Miserable.
Speaker A:And that was for me, the visceral wake up call that happiness is not out there.
Speaker A:It's not skiing 100 days.
Speaker A:It's not the next beach I was traveling to.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:I tried that.
Speaker A:It's actually not even quitting and finding another job.
Speaker A:That's because wherever you go, there you are.
Speaker A:And I just kind of kept bringing myself with me.
Speaker A:So that was the start of my inward journey.
Speaker A:I kind of looked for it all out there and I realized I hadn't really done any work inside of here, and thankfully, you know, I, I think we're all kind of big supporters of mental health awareness and seeing therapists and seeking help.
Speaker A:I had a therapist who was into mindfulness, and she taught me about the concepts of meditation.
Speaker A:And on my own, I discovered the Headspace app.
Speaker A:And within a week, I'd say my life really started changing drastically.
Speaker A:And soon after that, people would just kind of ask me, you know, what are you doing?
Speaker A:You kind of used to be a miserable prick and now you're a really happy, joyful guy.
Speaker A:So what's, what are you doing differently?
Speaker A:And I said, hey, I'd love to, I'd love to share.
Speaker A:Like, if you're really interested, let's meet for a cup of coffee.
Speaker A:And 30 minute chats would turn into two, three hours.
Speaker A:They would leave feeling amazing.
Speaker A:I would leave feeling amazing.
Speaker A:And I just said, you know, what's going on here?
Speaker A:All I'm doing is sharing about the things that worked in my own life and that ultimately led me into coaching.
Speaker A:I never really set out to say I want to be a coach or this is the career choice for me.
Speaker A:I just have to share with others the things that changed my life and really brought me the peace and the presence and the joy that I was looking for everywhere else, but I never found it.
Speaker A:So that's kind of where I got to coaching and kind of serving this industry that I've worked in and loved for so long.
Speaker A:I started serving the leaders in hospitality, and now I'm launching this community because my coaching, it really does transform lives.
Speaker A:I just can't work with that many people at one time.
Speaker A:So I'm launching a free community to just help as many people as possible learn some of the things that you and I are going to talk about and meditation and practicing appreciation and, you know, just basic things that really aren't.
Speaker A:They just take repetition.
Speaker A:They take you kind of surrounding yourself with the right people.
Speaker A:And that's.
Speaker A:That's where I'm at today.
Speaker A:Just trying to live it, you know, I'm human.
Speaker A:I have my off days and off mornings and I still have funks and I still have depression that I experience depression.
Speaker A:It's not me anymore.
Speaker A:I know that I am the greatest blue sky and the clouds are just passing by.
Speaker A:But I do my best to show up and serve in a way that just feels great to me and feels like I'm fulfilling a deeper purpose.
Speaker B:You said peace.
Speaker B:I think that's a huge thing for a lot of us in the industry.
Speaker B:This Industry is never very, it's not really peaceful unless you work at a, like a meditative environment.
Speaker B:There's never really any time off in the building.
Speaker B:I think that gets lost on some people.
Speaker B:When you work a typical 9 to 5, you might be able to escape or turn your computer off or like slam the laptop shut or whatever it is and, you know, put your phone away while you have your coffee break.
Speaker B:That's not a thing for our industry.
Speaker B:It's not embedded in, into our wellness training.
Speaker B:When it comes to operating any sort of hospitality, it's always about the customer first.
Speaker B:And we signed up for this industry, that's totally fine.
Speaker B:But giving your body and brain a break is just nothing.
Speaker B:We has never, I was never taught that.
Speaker B:I was never been like, hey, go take five minutes for yourself.
Speaker B:It was like, go take a cigarette break, because that's the healthy thing to do.
Speaker A:But I'm never like, mine was a vape pen and a shot of Jameson.
Speaker B:Right, right, right.
Speaker B:There was no, like, hey, what's like a healthy alternative to any of these other substances that we're taking?
Speaker A:The reason why people love smoking so much, myself included, is it actually forces you to take deep breaths.
Speaker A:So sometimes you just need to go outside and take few deep breaths.
Speaker A:You don't actually need the thing that you're inhaling.
Speaker A:But, but that's why we enjoy it so much.
Speaker B:I mean, that's so sad, but that's so true.
Speaker B:It's like, so you don't rip a customer's face off or an employee's or, you know, fellow coworkers?
Speaker B:Well, it takes what, 21 days to break a habit?
Speaker B:Is that what it is?
Speaker A:I think that's the study.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So you were saying the repetitive thing, you know, it takes time to get into a routine of building it into your everyday life.
Speaker B:I am totally implementing it in my Life.
Speaker B:I take five to 10 minutes of my day every day now.
Speaker B:And I'll do my, my prayers, my spiritual moment, and sometimes I even have to sit in my closet.
Speaker B:And my daughter, she thinks it's so funny, but I'll sit in my, in my closet and close the door and do my intentions for the day or my end of day intentions.
Speaker B:And I started that several months ago and it has been such a game changer for me to have that dedication to balance all of the jobs of the day and also give myself a little love too.
Speaker B:It's not always about giving my caffeine break my coffee in the morning.
Speaker B:It's so much more than that.
Speaker B:And identifying what it is that I need to move forward for the next day?
Speaker A:Well, you said something funny, which I think is prevalent all throughout the industry, which is this kind of mantra that the customer is first, the customer's always right.
Speaker A:I just, I don't believe that.
Speaker A:I don't believe that if you actually truly care about your customers or your guests or your clients who, however you want to call about, call it even your family, you have to come first because you're the one serving.
Speaker A:And that's why so much of what I talk about is a concept that I love calling self hospitality.
Speaker A:We're all so good at giving hospitality to others.
Speaker A:And even if you look at, from a leadership perspective of saying, well, our culture says the customer's always right, well, would you rather have, you know, repeat, joyful customers or just them always being right no matter what?
Speaker A:You know, because at the end of the day, people aren't.
Speaker A:They're, aren't.
Speaker A:They're not dumb.
Speaker A:Like, they pick up on the energy of a place too.
Speaker A:And if people really enjoy their work and if they are a cohesive team and if you're like, hey, I really need a 5, even if it is for a cigarette, there's no judgment.
Speaker A:Like, take your, take your cigarette break, but know that I got you, like, the place isn't going to fall apart.
Speaker A:You're not going to walk into, you know, chaos.
Speaker A:When you come back, I'm here for you.
Speaker A:Then the customers are like, wow, I want to come back to this place again and again and again.
Speaker A:Just by instilling a little bit of that.
Speaker A:Maybe, you know, maybe the staff is right sometimes, just not this blanket statement that the customer's always right.
Speaker B:I would say as a manager, the customer's always right until they're wrong.
Speaker B:Because I always think about, like, we also.
Speaker B:When you deescalate a situation with a customer, you said they read you.
Speaker B:They can read the energy.
Speaker B:If you come in, like, chest puffed out, your staff also feeds off that.
Speaker B:Like, if you're coming out super hot and ready to go, the customer's gonna be on defense with you.
Speaker B:Like, no matter what you say, they're not gonna hear what you have to say.
Speaker B:So you need to really figure out what is it they're actually mad about.
Speaker B:And can you even fix the problem when you go out there?
Speaker B:There's some things you just can't fix.
Speaker B:You just.
Speaker B:They just are not having a day, a good day.
Speaker B:And no matter what you give them, no matter how kind, no matter how many free things you throw at them, it's never going to be enough.
Speaker B:And you just say, thank you for coming, like, we'll see you never.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:But I think it's also good for your staff to see how you lead and how you engage with those types of people.
Speaker B:Because that's also a huge thing that I try to talk about is making sure your staff feel supportive from every aspect and not feeding into like the negativity that might be brewing in some places to the best of your ability.
Speaker B:I think a positive person spreads positive energy to everybody.
Speaker B:It's not always.
Speaker B:It's really hard.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:I think it's definitely our industry is you're toeing that line of it could be a great day or it could be a bad day, depending on how it starts from the get go, from the doors open.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And no one's going to raise your vibrations except for you.
Speaker A:Like, it's a personal responsibility too.
Speaker A:And I think that goes back to, you know, if you want to get into some of the more practical aspects of, okay, you're in a busy restaurant environment.
Speaker A:Let's just say restaurant.
Speaker A:It could be a hotel, it could be anything really.
Speaker A:But you don't have the nine to five or you don't have an office store.
Speaker A:You're not working from home.
Speaker A:I would say, you know, it's like, what's the quote from Abraham Lincoln?
Speaker A:You know, give me six hours to chop down a tree, I'll spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Speaker A:I think that's a Lincoln quote quote.
Speaker A:But it's basically like you want to spend most of your time getting out ahead of these things.
Speaker A:It's preventative.
Speaker A:It's not like, okay, I'm feeling stress in the middle of my shift, let me start working on myself.
Speaker A:It's kind of like that's an element of it to know that you can take a deep breath or you can take a break or you can take a little walk or have a drink of water or some, some tea or something that's going to raise you up and give you a little bit of energy boost.
Speaker A:But so much of the work happens.
Speaker A:What are you doing after the shift?
Speaker A:What are you doing before the shift?
Speaker A:What do you do when you wake up in the morning?
Speaker A:Are you so hungover that you can't even fathom sitting and meditating?
Speaker A:Well, then, you know, for me, my drinking went down drastically in that first couple of weeks of meditating.
Speaker A:Not by trying, just by saying, I want to feel good when I wake up.
Speaker A:I want to be able to sit and meditate without a headache.
Speaker A:So maybe I'll have, I don't know, five drinks the night before instead of 15.
Speaker A:You know, that was like the progression.
Speaker A:And then it.
Speaker A:You know, it's just.
Speaker A:I don't drink like that anymore.
Speaker A:I still drink, but not.
Speaker A:Not like that, where you're just kind of trying to not be there, trying to kind of get through the shift or escape reality.
Speaker A:So it just goes back to, like, making it such a priority to do the things that you and I are talking about before it gets so bad.
Speaker A:And if it is at that point where it's like, I'm ready to burst, it's still, you know, it's time.
Speaker A:Like, at a certain point, you just have to say, like, it's time to power myself up, to fill myself up, because I cannot give away what I don't have.
Speaker A:If I want to be a beacon of light and love and joy and peace for my guests, for my staff, of course, for your family, too.
Speaker A:You gotta.
Speaker A:You gotta fill up with that first.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So much of this work is preventative, getting out ahead of it.
Speaker A:I always say you have to take your meds, meaning you have to meditate.
Speaker A:Everyone's so quick.
Speaker A:They want a quick, you know, medication, a quick pill or something.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's not like that.
Speaker A:It happens quick.
Speaker A:You do get quick results, but it's a process.
Speaker A:It's a repetition.
Speaker A:It's literally training yourself to be more responsive instead of reactive.
Speaker A:And that's one of the biggest gifts you can have in this industry, is not to fly off the handle, is to have the ability to feel your blood boiling or to feel your vibrations lowering and say, okay, like, this is.
Speaker A:This is what I've been training for.
Speaker A:I'm going to take that deep breath and a long, slow exhale.
Speaker A:You could do it in front of someone.
Speaker A:They don't have to know what you're doing, right?
Speaker A:And then it's like, okay, and now what?
Speaker A:Let me get.
Speaker A:Let me get some balance back.
Speaker A:Let me get some peace within me.
Speaker A:And then I'll go talk to that guest.
Speaker A:Or then I'll have a.
Speaker A:Maybe a hard conversation with a staff member.
Speaker A:But I'll do it from a place of love, not a place of anger.
Speaker A:Impatience.
Speaker B:I think that's huge.
Speaker B:Is.
Speaker B:There is definitely this notation that people like us that are trying to break down these tabby walls are trying to soften the industry.
Speaker B:When I say, I think it's totally the opposite.
Speaker B:I think it's about giving people the right tools that are leaders.
Speaker B:One, to have tough Conversations with their staff or employees.
Speaker B:Because what our industry is so hot, get too hot, get out of the kitchen, can't handle it.
Speaker B:That shouldn't be the case.
Speaker B:You should be able to have a responsible one to one with an employee without it exploding or anything like that.
Speaker B:And then also the breath taking a breath like you said, teaching your staff to hey, if you feel like you're about to explode, here are some tips and tricks that you can do while you're on the floor in our server station or whatever industry that you're in to, to give you that before you walk out back out there.
Speaker B:Cause I want you to be your best self.
Speaker B:I mean that's so simple, right?
Speaker B:It should, well it should be so simple.
Speaker B:An easy thing to bring up and appreciate.
Speaker B:But people are very intimidated I think to bring in sometimes holistic solutions.
Speaker B:It's to me it's like, wow, this, why didn't this exist when I needed it the most when I had my 20s?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean all of this stuff should be taught as, as children how to regulate your, your emotions.
Speaker A:And not even, there's no bad emotions.
Speaker A:You're just learning from emotions.
Speaker A:It's emotional intelligence.
Speaker B:Our daughter is obsessed with Daniel Tiger and I just wrote a post about it that they teach that parents have emotions and they get angry.
Speaker B:And this one episode, Daniel's mother gets like furious and he goes, are you mad mom?
Speaker B:And she goes, I am mad.
Speaker B:So now my daughter will go, now mom, are you mad?
Speaker B:Tap the door before you roar.
Speaker A:How could that not change your mood?
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:But it's so great because she now understands, hey, mommy and daddy, they get emotions too.
Speaker B:We have big emotions.
Speaker B:I'm a very empathetic person and I also feel a lot of people's energies and I get very emotional about things.
Speaker B:And we've told our daughter that it's okay to feel emotions too because that's what makes us who we are, is having these whole ebbs and flows.
Speaker B:But being able to manage that and not always have a breakdown like I want her to know it's also okay to break down.
Speaker B:But when it comes to the industry specifically, I want to make sure that everything that we're doing, if you're on the verge of a breakdown, we can help you facilitate that big moment for you and where it is safe to do it and feel safe.
Speaker B:Because I love what you're doing and the self hospitality thing, I hope that you have that ticked somewhere because that's incredible.
Speaker B:It's so easy, so smart.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:I appreciate it.
Speaker A:I Love.
Speaker A:Count to four before you roar.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:I, I always say, I mean, I think Daniel Tiger might have me be.
Speaker A:But I say, when in doubt, breathe out.
Speaker A:You just need, I mean, talk about tools throughout your shift.
Speaker A:You need.
Speaker A:Whether it's like, take a conscious breath, you know, take a walk, get outside.
Speaker A:But also mantras, like an affirmation of just like, either when in doubt, breathe out, count to four before you roar, or it could just be like, I want to be here.
Speaker A:This is, this is normal.
Speaker A:Like, for someone to complain.
Speaker A:Like, I used to have people complain.
Speaker A:Like, oh, my God, it's, it's 7pm on a Saturday.
Speaker A:It's so busy.
Speaker A:It's like you work at a restaurant.
Speaker A:Like, this is, this is, this is why we're here.
Speaker A:It's going to be nuts for a few hours, but, like, let's go.
Speaker A:Game on.
Speaker A:So hopefully you slept well.
Speaker A:Hopefully you meditated this morning.
Speaker A:Hopefully you did, you know, do something fun.
Speaker A:And now it's like, not just like, hey, three more hours till the shift ends.
Speaker A:That was the thing that used to drive me crazy in the industry.
Speaker A:It was like the countdown.
Speaker A:And I'm like, I'm sick of trying to escape my life.
Speaker A:I want to be in it.
Speaker A:And I think that's something that we also, as an AS industry leaders need to work on, is just say, like, leaders are there to support the team, not to bark orders to help.
Speaker A:Like, hey, you're looking a little frazzled.
Speaker A:Can I take over for a few minutes?
Speaker A:Do you need a break?
Speaker A:Like, actually lending that support and being able to float around and cover people and help people.
Speaker A:It's a beautiful thing when that actually works like that.
Speaker B:Do you pull a lot from your own experiences or did you pull off your own experiences to build this business?
Speaker B:Like, kind of from the ground up, taking learned experiences.
Speaker A:Everything was from my own experiences.
Speaker A:And it just, it was years and years of developing it and then working with clients and continuing to refine it.
Speaker A:And at a certain point it just, it just works.
Speaker A:Like, I just, I just know that if you do certain things in your life, that, that it's going to change things.
Speaker A:If you do certain things in your inner world, it's going to change your external world.
Speaker A:And so often, I mean, I'm sure you can relate, especially because we, we're in this Western society of more, more, more and keeping up with the challenges and consumerism.
Speaker A:We are literally trained that it's out there, that it's the next vacation, it's the next car, or it's retirement or Some ridiculous bogus thing like that, that, that keeps us imprisoned and it keeps us from enjoying the present moment.
Speaker A:So you have to just be like, hey, it's, it's just some programming that I don't buy into anymore.
Speaker A:I'm going to do whatever I can to learn how to enjoy this moment because it's all I ever get.
Speaker A:You get one shot right at this moment.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:The counting down at work, I used to feel that when I was like heavily drinking, I would get the hangxiety when you go to bed and you're like, oh my God.
Speaker B:I'd be up in, you know, two hours to be at my next shift.
Speaker B:That type of thing that I used to do that at work and I would get very anxious.
Speaker B:I would be.
Speaker B:If I got sat or triple sat towards the end of my shift, I would be so overwhelmed and I wouldn't be able to do my job.
Speaker B:I wouldn't be able to do my job.
Speaker B:Best of my ability.
Speaker B:Because I was so worried that I just got all these people and I don't know if I can handle it.
Speaker B:Instead of being like, I can do this.
Speaker B:This is why I make money.
Speaker B:This is why I've been doing it for so many years.
Speaker B:If I couldn't do it, I wouldn't be in it.
Speaker B:And when I stopped drinking as much and I kind of really reevaluated my life and started to learn to love the industry for what it was and all of the different things, it made becoming a manager and a leader so much easier.
Speaker B:I'm like, oh, this is.
Speaker B:The point is to give people experiences.
Speaker B:It's not about being overwhelmed that I have people coming in the door, which is exactly what you want because you're, you're not going to make any money.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, I'm sure you've worked at quiet restaurants or a quiet lunch shift.
Speaker A:You're like, please someone come in.
Speaker B:I know the staff is like, you know, it's been six minutes and we still haven't been sad.
Speaker B:It feels like an hour.
Speaker B:But I definitely experience that anxiety and I'm so glad that I now can talk about it because I before I would still get work mares about that time I'd go to bed and I would have dreams of like tickets going.
Speaker A:Off of my head or like, I know that sound.
Speaker A:I remember that sound.
Speaker B:I used to have to run the host stand and the wait list would never end of people.
Speaker B:We'd be on a two hour wait and I, I remember pen and paper.
Speaker B:Back in the day, There was no iPad.
Speaker A:I was, I was a host as well.
Speaker A:I forgot to mention that.
Speaker A:So I know about hosting, hosting.
Speaker B:If people don't understand, be kind to the hosts wherever you go, because they're putting together every puzzle of all you people coming in, all the different numbers and what you can and can't do.
Speaker B:But that was definitely my biggest thing was when I was hosting and having to have a never ending pad of paper of names and people and their phone number, or we had a little pager buzzer and hope that they would return it.
Speaker B:You know, it was like the crazy things of the industry.
Speaker B:But now I look back 20 years, I'm like, man, thank God I lived all of it because now I can use it to be a better person, be a better leader, talk about the bad stuff, but also giggle at some of these crazy things that I can't believe I survived.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:And you were the, you know, the face of the restaurant.
Speaker A:The first experience, the first energy that they're, that they're, they're, they're getting a taste of.
Speaker A:But everyone has that, that touch with the experience in some way.
Speaker A:Even, you know, if you're, if you're cleaning the kitchen in the back at all shows up in the experience.
Speaker B:I agree.
Speaker B:What do you think was the biggest catalyst to jump into this leadership thing?
Speaker B:What, like, hey, I can do this.
Speaker B:I want to teach these leaders specifically this type of wellness.
Speaker A:That experience in Breckenridge, you know, that was probably my favorite hospitality experience was working like when I, when it was on, when it was fun, it was great.
Speaker A:But then to experience the shift of like panic attacks in the same job it made changed things for me.
Speaker A:And from that point on, I just knew whether it was through writing, because I also love to write and I write a lot of poetry and stories and I love sharing all of that or coaching or speaking.
Speaker A:I also love hosting workshops and getting on stages and doing all of that.
Speaker A:It's all the same.
Speaker A:It's just like I know what it's like and it sucks.
Speaker A:Like it really does to, to feel helpless and hopeless and to feel that despair and that depression and, and to feel kind of alone, like I'm the only one who's going through this or, or everyone else seems so happy.
Speaker A:And especially if you work in like a resort town, it's kind of amplified.
Speaker A:I've always worked in resort towns where you see a lot of money, you just see the, the fun.
Speaker A:You don't see them all working and making that money or anything about their lives.
Speaker A:You just see them out enjoying themselves and very easy to get into that comparison game.
Speaker A:But no, I think for me it was actually feeling like knowing what it feels like to be burnt out and to feel almost like dead inside, you know, like my soul is buried and there's, there's more life to all of this that I'm not experiencing.
Speaker A:And then to be able to share that, to share like, literally to share that light with others.
Speaker A:And for me, in terms of the coaching, I work with top leaders because a lot of times it's the ripple effect.
Speaker A:I know that our work is going to completely transform their, their organizations because they are bringing a different culture to their organization just by them showing up differently, of course, to their families and friends as well.
Speaker A:But also what I find is you need to hit your low, like, whatever.
Speaker A:Like, you need to decide for yourself.
Speaker A:Like, okay, like for me when I was getting shaken by the universe, I'm like, okay, like for me it was, I got like therapy and I told my therapist, I said, I don't want to be on medication.
Speaker A:Not that there's anything wrong with medication, but I've done that route.
Speaker A:I'm like, I want to figure this out.
Speaker A:Why do I feel this way?
Speaker A:I want to get to the root of it.
Speaker A:So, so whatever your, you decide your bottom is, and for these leaders, typically they're at the top rung.
Speaker A:So they're, they're at the top of the ladder that everyone else is climbing, kind of postponing their own happiness because, well, if I just get to director, I'll be happy.
Speaker A:If I just get to vp, if I just own this company, if I just own my own company, it's always, if I am on the board, whatever it is, the people who are at the top and still not happy, that's when they have their wake up call.
Speaker A:For me, it wasn't the top of an organization.
Speaker A:It was kind of like the top of fun.
Speaker A:Like, I was skiing every day, I was working in an amazing town, I had my wife, my dog, you know, just so much reason to be joyful.
Speaker A:And I wasn't.
Speaker A:And the leaders at the top, they have the power, they have the money, the cars, the vacations, they have all of that.
Speaker A:And there's still the emptiness.
Speaker A:That's when I know, okay, like, you're ready for this work.
Speaker A:Not that it's hard, but just that I'm done.
Speaker A:I'm done trying to give to others what I don't have.
Speaker A:I'm done trying to be a provider, to have a big heart.
Speaker A:When I feel like Empty inside.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So that's kind of just how it evolved into, into the coaching.
Speaker A:But it's all universal truths.
Speaker A:It's just like we're all here for joy.
Speaker A:We're all here to enjoy, like, really that's the purpose of life, is to enjoy the journey.
Speaker A:And I truly believe that we're here to enjoy life and to then, then share that joy.
Speaker A:Not I'm gonna make everyone else happy and then I'm gonna feel joy for myself.
Speaker A:It's completely the opposite.
Speaker A:And you're, you know, I don't have kids, I have my dog.
Speaker A:But you know, as a parent too, it's like it's so easy from what I've seen with my clients and friends to continue to kind of self sacrifice, like, and just say, well, I'm doing this for my kids.
Speaker A:But then there, then you're short, you're angry, you're impatient, you're tired.
Speaker A:You do have underlying resentments.
Speaker A:Whether you want to admit it or not.
Speaker A:I get resentful to my dog if I'm like, I really want to be meditating, but, but she's just trying to be a dog.
Speaker A:So that means that that's my fault, that's not the dog's fault.
Speaker A:So I need to cultivate that first and then go hang out with my dog.
Speaker A:Or you hang out with your, you know, your kids.
Speaker B:The resentment thing is real.
Speaker B:And I think most honest parents would say it's the, you miss the person you used to be, right?
Speaker B:Like, you miss being able to do whatever you want at the drop of a hat.
Speaker B:But you had this dream of having children, so now you have, you know, careful you wish for.
Speaker B:But I always thought that everything I was doing was for my kids and that was it.
Speaker B:But I like redefined it.
Speaker B:And I think I write about it, which may not come off clearly, but if it weren't for my kids, I would not be doing what I'm doing now because my goal is that I want it to be a safer, better place for them when they get older, if they want to enter the industry.
Speaker B:And so yes, everything I do for them, but I also do it a lot for myself too.
Speaker B:Like, I'm really proud of myself now for doing all these things and living through some of the worst times in my life.
Speaker B:And my kids have been like a nice guiding light.
Speaker B:But I really, I tell a lot of moms that have suffered from postpartum depression.
Speaker B:I had it really awful this round with my son and everyone was like, you should be so happy, right?
Speaker B:And like everything's wonderful.
Speaker B:I felt like I didn't deserve to be here.
Speaker B:And that's very scary to say out loud.
Speaker B:And I get emotional talking about it.
Speaker B:But I know that there's other moms in our industry specifically that go back to work, you know, within a few weeks, because that's what they have to provide for their children now.
Speaker B:But they don't feel like themselves.
Speaker B:They don't feel whole.
Speaker B:They feel empty.
Speaker B:They feel like they're giving.
Speaker B:You know, they're pouring from an empty cup and there's.
Speaker B:Eventually that cup's just going to shatter because there's.
Speaker B:You're compressing it too much.
Speaker B:And I think that it's totally fair to say that for leaders specifically, you're responsible for everyone beneath you, and you're responsible for whatever you.
Speaker B:Whatever you have at home.
Speaker B:And you're living up to this Persona of a great leader.
Speaker B:And you've got all the things, you know, the cars, the vacation homes, all that stuff that weighs on people.
Speaker B:Everyone has a breaking point, no matter what you say.
Speaker B:Every human does.
Speaker A:I appreciate you sharing that story.
Speaker A:I mean, I. I definitely can relate and resonate on some levels of just feeling that deep level of sadness and.
Speaker A:And disconnection.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Something that I. I always love sharing with people is that you really are.
Speaker A:You're doing it for yourself, but you really are doing it for them.
Speaker A:Like, being selfish is for them.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:I'm like, how do you say it?
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:That's the best way of saying, is that you're being selfish for yourself because you want to be the best for other people too and take care of those people that you love.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:Which is why your sanctuary in the walk in closet is a beautiful thing and something to be really proud of.
Speaker A:Not like, I'm.
Speaker A:I'm escaping my family.
Speaker A:No, I'm powering up so that I could go give to my family.
Speaker A:It's such a different way of looking at it.
Speaker A:There's no shame, there's no guilt.
Speaker A:And it's just a lot of what I teach is you have to know yourself.
Speaker A:You have to know what lights you up, what raises your vibrations.
Speaker A:And if you just say like, hey, this is.
Speaker A:I know, this is.
Speaker A:I need to.
Speaker A:For me, I need to go walk on the beach, or I need to, you know, have a lot of time for myself.
Speaker A:I need to do my meditation.
Speaker A:I need to practice some appreciation and gratitude.
Speaker A:And then I've tried it the other way.
Speaker A:Not only does it not work, it's hard.
Speaker A:It Feels like pushing a boulder up a hill.
Speaker A:You're just tired.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:None of it's fun.
Speaker A:This.
Speaker A:This other way ticks all those boxes.
Speaker A:It's fun.
Speaker A:It works.
Speaker A:Things start lining up more easily because you're in a good mood, your vibrations are high.
Speaker A:If you believe in the law of attraction, what you put out there comes back to you.
Speaker A:So you get more amazing people and experiences and opportunities.
Speaker A:I mean, look at how you and I met.
Speaker A:Just by, you know, it's.
Speaker A:It's a.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:That's the way it all works.
Speaker A:And you know something else?
Speaker A:I just want to share with anyone who's listening.
Speaker A:And I think this is a little controversial, but I truly believe it is that.
Speaker A:And I'd love your opinion, too, because I know you've been there.
Speaker A:Your depression and your anxiety and your panic attacks are all good, because if you know that you're having them, then you're starting to wake up to what?
Speaker A:The universe or your inner being or your true self, whatever, however you want to call it.
Speaker A:Your soul.
Speaker A:You're finally listening to the messages, which means you could do something about it.
Speaker A:Otherwise, you can numb it.
Speaker A:You could ignore it, you could escape it, and it will continue to get louder, like an alarm that doesn't wake you up.
Speaker A:It's just going to keep on.
Speaker A:You're hitting the snooze button, but you're not doing anything about it.
Speaker A:So if you're like, hey, I'm feeling really depressed, it sounds insensitive, but it's not.
Speaker A:I'll say, good, good.
Speaker A:Now let's do some work.
Speaker A:You're ready.
Speaker B:I don't think it's controversial at all.
Speaker B:I think that is the only reason I was able to get out of what I was in was because by, like, the grace of God, I have an incredible mother who just kept encouraging me to, like, you can do this.
Speaker B:You can do hard things, but you need to take care of yourself.
Speaker B:What is it that you need?
Speaker B:What do.
Speaker B:And I had friends checking in on me, and I wasn't listening, and I wasn't paying attention to how bad I was.
Speaker B:I didn't realize how bad it was getting till it got bad.
Speaker B:And finally I was like, oh, my God, I'm not okay.
Speaker B:And saying, like I said, saying it out loud is not easy.
Speaker B:But I have friends who are just now experiencing or understanding what a panic attack feels like.
Speaker B:They thought, you know, they're having a heart attack.
Speaker B:And I go, that's.
Speaker B:I go, so imagine I had them at nighttime or when my anxiety Attacks hit.
Speaker B:So the fear of going to bed is a thing for me.
Speaker B:I am so fearful sometimes of going to sleep because I don't.
Speaker B:I'm afraid of having an anxiety attack because to calm me down, it takes a little while.
Speaker B:I have to put my feet planted on the ground.
Speaker B:I've taken a lot of deep breaths.
Speaker B:Times my husband has to basically like, hold me to keep me from, you know, keep me grounded.
Speaker B:But I now know what that is.
Speaker B:But that's taken years to figure out my anxiety.
Speaker B:So I can imagine now just experience it in my late 30s and having young people to take care of in your life or running a major business and you feel like the world's coming around you not knowing what's going on.
Speaker B:It's terrifying.
Speaker B:It's absolutely terrifying to think that you're dying because it can feel like that's prevalent.
Speaker B:You can't breathe, your heart's racing, you can't see.
Speaker B:I think feeling all of those things are very important because like you said, then you know what to do.
Speaker B:Let's start fixing it.
Speaker B:Let's start working on it.
Speaker B:I don't think it's controversial.
Speaker B:I think that everyone, when I talk about it, that's the whole point of why I share my.
Speaker B:How it feels for me so people can relate.
Speaker B:This is how bad it feels for me.
Speaker A:Mine was panic attacks.
Speaker A:When I would get to the bar, I'd have to go right to the bathroom, splash water on my face and just calm myself down.
Speaker A:Usually go to the.
Speaker A:Go after the bathroom, go to the bar, take a shot of Jameson and be like, okay, now I could start setting up for my shift.
Speaker A:It was, it was.
Speaker A:Yeah, it was.
Speaker A:But it was the wake up call I needed, which is like, this isn't cool, this isn't sustainable.
Speaker A:This doesn't feel good.
Speaker A:I gotta, I gotta do something about it.
Speaker A:On top of almost destroying my relationship with my wife, like these things that I could look back on and say, I'm glad it got that bad, or else who knows where I would be today, you know?
Speaker A:And for you to say, like, I didn't realize how bad it got, that's.
Speaker A:Almost everyone has that experience because it's like frogs in a, in a boiling pot.
Speaker A:You know, if you put frogs in a pot of water and turn up the heat slowly, they'll just, they'll boil to death.
Speaker A:But if you throw them into the boiling water, they'll jump right out.
Speaker A:So it's normal to be like slowly simmering.
Speaker A:And then one day you're like, it's Kind of, kind of hot in here.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:How did that happen?
Speaker A:Well, it's because you haven't been very present.
Speaker A:You haven't been listening to the nudges, so it had to turn into a shake.
Speaker A:And that's not a reason to beat yourself up.
Speaker A:It's a reason to be grateful and say, okay, I'm listening, I'm ready, and I'm ready to try something new, try something a little different.
Speaker A:Because at the end of the day, you know, and I'm, I talked with you about this because I know you, you've dealt with a lot of anxiety in your life and so have I.
Speaker A:Our thoughts aren't real.
Speaker A:Like, like our thoughts aren't real.
Speaker A:So if you could actually, it's hard.
Speaker A:It's harder in the middle of a panic attack.
Speaker A:But afterwards, if you could be like, wait, nothing changed from yesterday to today.
Speaker A:Like, everything in my life is the same, but my mind's just completely messed with me.
Speaker A:So then you start to, with, coupled with meditation and some of the practices that we talk about, you get that separation from your mind and you could just say, man, my mind is so crazy, and almost laugh at it because you're not.
Speaker A:It, it's not you.
Speaker A:The thoughts aren't real.
Speaker A:It starts to be this thing.
Speaker A:But who's watching the thing?
Speaker A:The thing that's watching is who you really are.
Speaker A:And then, and that just helped, at least for me.
Speaker A:It helped me just to kind of start laughing at it instead of taking it so seriously.
Speaker A:Be like, wait, this isn't real.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker A:There's nothing, there's nothing life changing or life shaking about.
Speaker A:Like, if I don't get to this to do list today, everything's gonna be okay.
Speaker B:And so for you, when you translate that into the hospitality industry, I think that the to do list is probably the best visual is there's all these expectations of meeting these things within the restaurant, you know, meeting your sales numbers, meeting, you know, your staffing levels, all of these things.
Speaker B:But it's not earth shattering like our industry is supposed to be.
Speaker B:Yes, we give people experiences, but also like, are we getting anything in return?
Speaker B:Are we enjoying what we're doing?
Speaker B:So what impacts have you seen since you've brought that to people?
Speaker B:Like, this is.
Speaker B:So let's talk about you and how you're doing before we tackle all these task lists of polishing silverware and rolling silver for the next 16 hours.
Speaker A:Yeah, well, I think what's really interesting is that most of my clients don't quit their jobs, you know, and and, and they thought that they had to, or they thought that if only I could retire or if only, you know, work was a little easier.
Speaker A:And all along, for almost all of them, like some clients do quit, but mostly they're just like, it was me, it was me, it wasn't the work.
Speaker A:I actually really enjoy the work.
Speaker A:That's what got me into this work in the first place, is that I actually enjoy it.
Speaker A:I forgot about all the things I enjoy.
Speaker A:I've been focusing on all the negatives and I haven't been doing the things that I love.
Speaker A:I've been actually most of them kind of.
Speaker A:Instead of taking a step back or taking a breath, they just bury themselves in work more because they think that that will help them get to the end quicker.
Speaker A:And the end is where the joy is and it's not.
Speaker A:So it's really just about caring so much about how you feel.
Speaker A:Like just knowing that that's it.
Speaker A:Like, I'm here to enjoy life.
Speaker A:I'm here to serve others.
Speaker A:In order to do that in a way that feels good to me and to them, I have to care about how I feel, which means I have to do the things that bring me joy and I have to do the things that help me not, not feel depression or anxiety, but not, not let it bring me down.
Speaker A:For, I mean, for me, it used to be days, weeks, months.
Speaker A:I could be depressed now, I should say feel depression.
Speaker A:There's a big difference.
Speaker A:I could feel depression kind of sneaking up and I'll just reach into my quiver and be like, all right, well, meditation, ah, that didn't get me out of it.
Speaker A:Let me do a 20 minute breath work.
Speaker A:You know, let me, let me try, let me try something else.
Speaker A:Let me go jump in the ocean.
Speaker A:And I still do have my vices, but there's so much more under control.
Speaker A:And it's, it's intentional too, I think.
Speaker A:You know, it's.
Speaker A:It goes back to knowing yourself and just knowing what works for you.
Speaker A:And the more of this inner work you do, it's literally like a video game where you're like, oh, cool, I got this other, like, way to regulate my emotions.
Speaker A:And now I have this new way to kind of find peace.
Speaker A:And, and the more peaceful you are, the more you're spreading that.
Speaker A:And I know anyone who's listening.
Speaker A:And I know for you too, it's why you're doing what you're doing is that's what brings us the most joy, is actually sharing the joy.
Speaker A:And it's the trying to share joy when the joy is not there, that we feel like a fraud or we feel shame or we feel like I should be happier, I should be grateful for all these things.
Speaker A:It's like, well, are you cultivating it?
Speaker A:Are you, are you powering yourself up before trying to be the source for everyone else?
Speaker B:Oh, I have so many thoughts on it because I, like I said, I wish this type of conversation or topics were talked about, you know, eons ago and especially as a young woman going up in the industry, I really could have used this or like leaders that took the time to invest in a program like yours.
Speaker B:So tell me a little bit about, you know, the Carpe Diem, your programs and how it works.
Speaker B:And if you want, before we go, I do want to do one of your breath work exercises with you.
Speaker B:So yeah, tell us about the Carpe diem.
Speaker A:So the Carpe Diem Collective is the community that's being launched right now.
Speaker A:So depending on when this episode airs, it it's probably going to be live.
Speaker A:And the idea is that I'm going to be sharing just bite size audio clips that so it's not like a full coaching program, but it's consistent reminders of what's important in life.
Speaker A:It's consistent tips and practical exercises, meditations, gratitude practices, breathwork exercises on top of a community where people can actually go and feel seen and heard and safe.
Speaker A:A big part of the community is good to make sure people know that this is a safe space.
Speaker A:Even if you're in here with colleagues or superior, it has to be a safe space where you can just share vulnerably like, hey, I'm having a rough day or what do I do when this comes up?
Speaker A:And I will, I'll be supporting in there.
Speaker A:But I want it to be a community that supports each other too.
Speaker A:A mindfulness community for the industry.
Speaker A:So that's like the big focus right now.
Speaker A:And you know, for my coaching, it's always I like to look at it as, you know, people are usually looking for clarity in their life, like why do I feel this way?
Speaker A:Or I don't even know what I want.
Speaker A:So many people don't know why they're doing what they're doing.
Speaker A:And I just kind of, I like to use the analogy of imagine you're looking at the reflection of the moon in a lake, but you're throwing rocks into the lake just continuously.
Speaker A:So it's a really kind of distorted view of the moon.
Speaker A:So the first thing that I do with my clients, and this is also what I'll Be teaching in the, in the collective.
Speaker A:It's what I teach in the self hospitality masterclass, which I could share the link as well.
Speaker A:You have to stop throwing rocks.
Speaker A:Like you have to let the, the, the water settle so that you could start to actually see the reflection.
Speaker A:So that's where meditation comes in.
Speaker A:That's where gratitude comes in.
Speaker A:You start to just slow down and separate from all the noise.
Speaker A:It's such a noisy world and it's so noisy in between our, our ears as well.
Speaker A:And it's usually really negative.
Speaker A:So once we do that work of just gaining more presence and peace, then we move into the lake is still start to notice the reflection.
Speaker A:Let's do some introspection.
Speaker A:Let's really find out what lights you up.
Speaker A:What do you love about your work?
Speaker A:What's the perfect day?
Speaker A:What would you do if money was no object?
Speaker A:Get people to really learn about who they are and what turns them on, what fires them up.
Speaker A:And then it always culminates with teaching them about the law of attraction.
Speaker A:Really just that not only do your thoughts create reality, your words create reality, you have to be really careful about what you're giving your attention to.
Speaker A:Are you constantly blaming and complaining, criticizing, putting people down, putting yourself down?
Speaker A:That's one thing.
Speaker A:And then the other is just what you put out there comes back.
Speaker A:So if you want to share joy, if you want to share peace, if you want to lead with a big heart, you have to cultivate that first.
Speaker A:And that's the essence of what I teach.
Speaker A:Whether I'm, you know, it's, it's a book of poems inspired by my dog, which, which I wrote, or my coaching program or the community I'm building.
Speaker A:It's always the same.
Speaker A:It's like calm the waters, look at the reflection and then tend to your vibration.
Speaker A:Because energy, everything is energy and you can't fake it.
Speaker A:So that's, that's another thing.
Speaker A:In this industry, we're really good at putting on happy faces and feeling completely terrible on the inside.
Speaker A:And it doesn't, it doesn't work.
Speaker A:So so much of the work is just realizing you have a personal responsibility to be joyful.
Speaker A:And if you're not, it's your opportunity to just say, well, what can I do without saying my partner needs to change or my kids need to stop being, you know, little annoying, whatever, running around, or my dog needs to stop barking or my colleagues need to stop being annoying.
Speaker A:No, it's, it's, it's taking responsibility back.
Speaker A:Speaking to dogs.
Speaker B:I knew that was going to happen.
Speaker B:I knew you were going to make noise.
Speaker A:But it's not about.
Speaker A:It's not about the dogs.
Speaker A:It's not about anyone else.
Speaker A:It's about cultivating that within.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker B:And just goes back to the very beginning about the customer.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:Like, maybe let's talk about what you might need to for that, you know, interaction.
Speaker B:Like, what is that you need to do to take care of yourself to handle that next thing?
Speaker B:Like, it's so full circle.
Speaker B:I think what you're doing is so fun.
Speaker B:I said I learned about breathwork from a previous guest, and he brings that now into his training as a consultant.
Speaker B:He thinks it's so important to teach people how to do breathing.
Speaker B:Like, how do you breathe?
Speaker B:Do you know how to do it?
Speaker B:Are you just, like, holding it in your entire shift?
Speaker B:Because if you are, you're gonna crash at the end of it.
Speaker B:And it was just so, like, oh, my God, that's so simple.
Speaker B:Like, just how do you breathe?
Speaker B:I don't know how to breathe.
Speaker B:So now that I've acknowledged that and things that I think are so important, as simple as offering that in, you know, pre shift.
Speaker B:So let's make this our end shift.
Speaker B:Teach me one breathing technique that I could use before I exit this conversation to go deal with my little people.
Speaker A:I always want to keep it so simple, and we don't always have a lot of time.
Speaker A:So it's.
Speaker A:It's one conscious breath.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:So, I mean, you really want your feet flat on the floor, or you could do it standing, but you take a big, deep inhale, do it through your nose, and then just sip in a little bit more, really filling up.
Speaker A:Hold it for a minute or a moment, couple moments.
Speaker A:Just feel your body full.
Speaker A:And then as you exhale through your mouth, feel your body relax.
Speaker A:And real long exhale, get all that air from the bottom out.
Speaker A:And don't be so quick to move around.
Speaker A:Just be like, okay, one conscious breath will change.
Speaker A:It'll change your life.
Speaker A:It'll change your interactions with everyone.
Speaker A:And you could do it at any time.
Speaker B:That's so crucial.
Speaker B:I mean, literally, like, it relaxes my back, right?
Speaker B:Like, you're holding all of that stuff up top, and we're so good at that.
Speaker B:Especially, like behind the bar, on the line or in the, you know, whatever it is, taking that moment.
Speaker B:I think that's so imperative.
Speaker B:I love what you're doing.
Speaker B:I'm so excited to see what comes from this and all the other things you're working on.
Speaker B:And I know that we're going to be working with you and Burnt Chef in some capacity which is.
Speaker B:Makes my heart so happy.
Speaker B:So tell everyone where they can get in contact with you.
Speaker B:Your website Social handles all those things.
Speaker A:Well, my website is a good place to start.
Speaker A:It's Mike Mezeroff.com and on social media most.
Speaker A:I'm on most platforms at Mike Meseroff if someone's really serious and they're like, hey, I. I don't know how to meditate, I want to try it.
Speaker A:I've never practiced gratitude.
Speaker A:Like everyone keeps talking about it.
Speaker A:Let.
Speaker A:Let me give it a shot.
Speaker A:I created a masterclass.
Speaker A:It's called self hospitality.
Speaker A:It's free.
Speaker A:There's a part one and then the other parts will be in the community.
Speaker A:Also free.
Speaker A:But for now, part one, 30 minutes.
Speaker A:It'll change how you look at things.
Speaker A:It's just self hospitality.com and then once the community launches it will be the carpe diemcollective.com and I would just encourage anyone.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter if you're a leader because we're all leaders.
Speaker A:We all have to lead ourselves and show up for ourselves first.
Speaker A:And everyone in the industry could get something out of this community.
Speaker A:So yeah.
Speaker A:And if anyone has any questions like this is.
Speaker A:I love talking about this stuff.
Speaker A:I'm happy to help or point someone in the right direction.
Speaker A:Just reach out.
Speaker A:You're not alone.
Speaker A:I think that's something amazing that you do.
Speaker A:Colleen is.
Speaker A:I think of other people like Jason Wange as well, people who really lead by offering others permission to be vulnerable and just saying we're all human.
Speaker A:We all have ups and downs.
Speaker A:We're not perfect.
Speaker A:I sure as hell am not perfect.
Speaker A:I have ups and downs still, despite being in this work every day.
Speaker A:And it's just.
Speaker A:It shows you that it's a continuous journey.
Speaker A:So you have to start enjoying it now.
Speaker A:There is nothing waiting for you at the end of the line or the end of the rainbow.
Speaker A:We get what we practice in life.
Speaker A:So if you're practicing putting off joy, you're always going to be putting off joy.
Speaker A:If you practice however you can for you, whatever brings you a sense of joy.
Speaker A:If you practice that now, it's momentum, it's a snowball.
Speaker A:It's what you're going to start feeling more and more.
Speaker A:You're going to attract more of it into you.
Speaker A:It's not always going to be joyful, but it's going to be a lot more joyful.
Speaker A:And we can't always have it joyful.
Speaker A:There's a Yin and yang to life.
Speaker A:There's a balance.
Speaker A:There is.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker A:You know, with deep love comes deep loss.
Speaker A:It's the same for everything.
Speaker A:So it's not about just always being happy and let me just.
Speaker A:I gotta walk around happy all the time.
Speaker A:No, but it's.
Speaker A:It's really doing your best to be happy more of the time.
Speaker A:And if you're not, reach out for help.
Speaker A:Reach out to me.
Speaker A:Obviously, Burnt Chef project has a ton of resources.
Speaker A:Chow has a ton of resources.
Speaker A:Headspace app changed my life.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker A:There's a lot of people out here who've.
Speaker A:Who've suffered and have transmuted that suffering into some light and love that they want to share.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And that's how I feel.
Speaker A:I just want to share it.
Speaker B:I appreciate that, and thank you for the kind words.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I just want to be the person I could have used when I was growing up and to the best of my ability and acknowledge that I made mistakes and what I learned along the way.
Speaker B:And, you know, it's.
Speaker B:I say it's the butterfly effect.
Speaker B:Everything got me to where I needed to be, and now I'm here, and I'm really proud of myself, and I'm just super honored and privileged to have people like you willing to share their stories with me on this podcast.
Speaker B:And, you know, my documentary work that I'm doing, it's, you know, you're trusting me with your.
Speaker B:With your stories, and it's such a honor that I didn't know was possible when I started out, you know, waiting tables and as a hostess that 20 years later, not too half that same.
Speaker A:I feel the same way.
Speaker A:You know, we never know where our life's going to go, but just, you know, using.
Speaker A:Using our suffering to.
Speaker A:To move forward in life.
Speaker A:We all have it.
Speaker A:We all have suffering.
Speaker A:It's just, what are we doing with it?
Speaker A:I actually made a post about that recently.
Speaker A:Like, we get to choose our discomfort.
Speaker A:It's either the discomfort of staying stuck in the same place even though your soul has moved on.
Speaker A:And I'm not saying quitting a job.
Speaker A:I'm just saying more joy.
Speaker A:Like, your soul is like, I'm ready for more joy.
Speaker A:And you're saying, I'm not going to change.
Speaker A:I'm not going to do anything new that's really uncomfortable, or the uncomfortable.
Speaker A:The discomfort of entering the deep, dark, claustrophobic cocoon.
Speaker A:But on the other side of that, you're a butterfly.
Speaker A:You know, it's no mud, no lotus, like, no pressure, no diamond.
Speaker A:You know, we get to choose?
Speaker A:Is the discomfort moving us closer to the life of our dreams, or is it really just prolonging the discomfort?
Speaker A:So everyone has a choice always to learn from it or to continue it.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:That's like a perfect way to and this beautiful conversation.
Speaker B:I again thank you Mike for joining me.
Speaker B:Thank you all for listening.
Speaker B:Be sure to follow all things hospitality bites through hospitality bites.com or connect me on social media.
Speaker B:Follow my friends at the Walk and Talk show for all their incredible content, including Housing Today's podcast with Mike Messeroff.
Speaker B:Mike, I want to thank you again.
Speaker B:And as always, everyone, please be kind to yourself and be kind to one another.
Speaker A:Thanks, Colleen.
